Because the white stuff just keeps coming…

Because you just over hear stuff… human stuff… great stuff…

Man boarding bus to driver: You better not go flippin’ this bitch over!

–Fung Wah Bus, Chinatown

Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.

–Downtown 1 train

Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you’re a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I’m just a lesbian.

–Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Small child in stroller: Mommy, why did you wake me up? Don’t wake me up when I’m sleeping!
Mom: Fine. I’ll leave you on the train and you can miss your stop and then the rats will get you.

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Conductor: This is an express, uptown C train. You heard right: an express C train. Next stop: 125th Street. If you need local service on the Upper West Side, please transfer across the platform to the D, as in “Daddy done did it” or B, as in “bad boy Bobby Brown” train.

–C train, 59th St

Conductor: This is a Brooklyn bound B train. Like bitch.

–B train

Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

–Union Square

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.

–Columbia University

Cop: I won’t issue you a summons if you can answer this question correctly… What’s closer to New York, Italy or the moon? I’ll give you a hint. You can see the moon.
Perp: Ummm… the moon!

–Brownsville, Brooklyn

Cop, taking report of stolen car: Ok, what was the color, make and model?
Metro Guy: It’s cranberry and…
Cop: Cranberry’s something you eat, son, your car was red.

–L.I.C.

Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn’t afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn’t afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]

–Uptown E train

Woman #1: Yeah, I tell ya, my baby’s daddy has been the biggest jerk in the world lately.
Woman #2: Will you stop calling him that! He’s your husband. You married him like 5 years ago.

–Au Bon Pain

White boy #1: I only like to watch girl-on-girl.
White boy #2: What? You don’t like dick in your porn? That’s fucking gay.

–Union Square

Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.

–Lorimer St, Williamsburg

SOURCE: Overheard in New York

Because he checks in once in awhile…

SET LIST MSG JAN. 2011

1. The Beautiful Ones
2. Let’s Go Crazy
3. Delerious
4. 1999
5. Little Red Corvette
6. Uptown
7. Raspberry Beret
8. Cream
9. Cool
10. Let’s Work
11. U Got The Look
12. The ? Of U
13. Purple Rain

ENCORE:
14. Kiss 15. She’s Always In My Hair 16. If I Was Your Girlfriend (With Janelle Monae)

PIANO MEDLEY ENCORE:
17. Condition Of The Heart 18. Do Me, Baby 19. I Wanna Be Your Lover
20. How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore 21. Sometimes It Snows In April

ENCORE:
22. Jungle Love (With Cyndi Lauper & Egypt Sherrod)

Because pants are optional…

Improv Everywhere strikes again

Because we do…